In a few short days, we will have been living in Belgium for three years. It really is hard to believe. The time has flown by and it has brought into perspective the comments we have heard from other Ex-Pats. In general they follow the lines of; If you are here at 3 years, then you will be around for 5. If you make it to 7 years, you may never leave. I don’t know how true the last one is, but the former seems entirely plausible.
We just returned from three weeks in the US, which further reinforces the concept. On our arrival we happened to sit behind a mother and her two daughters who had just finished 9 months in the UK and were visiting family in Northern Michigan. She commented that she felt a little disconnected after being out of the US for that amount of time. We assured her that we knew what she meant and in fact the longer we are away, the more the disconnection sets in. The funny thing is, the disconnects are generally the small things, like the cultural touch-points that people take for granted. We do our best to stay on top of the US news and Belgian television makes sure that we don’t lose track of what is happening with the Kardashians, people engaged in wars du storage or American Picking. What you do lose however, is much of the local news, events and definitely anything that happens in US Prime Time. For any of those things, we are frankly, clueless. We also find ourselves making references to our reality, which our friends in the US have no visibility to, BBC television, Australian cooking shows, european news etc. You can’t win.
Invariably, our friends and family ask us “Are you homesick yet?” “When are you coming back?” “Are you sick of it yet?”. And the funny thing is, the answers to them are Yes and No, We have no idea, Sometimes but not all the time.
There is certainly the draw of coming back home and being closer to family and friends and this is why I don’t see us making Europe a permanent home. Homesickness comes in waves and generally is worse when the weather is crap and there is nothing to do, which for this spring was essentially the entire season. But then again, there are days like today when you go to a french market, find amazing bread, cheese, produce, etc. Have a glass of wine and something delicious to nibble on (today was moroccan crepes). Then move on to a little cafe and while away two hours with another glass of wine and apple tarts. So for those aspects, it does make it hard to be sick of it entirely. As for when we will come back, we honestly have no idea. I just got notice that I am eligible to achieve unlimited stay status which on the upside will make the annual residency work less annual, but on the downside means we are closer to turning this into an unlimited stay.
The other night we had some friends over. Two were colleagues from the US, one on a three month stay and the other on a 6 month stay to support some work we are doing here. Both are living in furnished corporate apartments in Brussels. We also invited another couple who are Brits and serial Ex-Pats (Germany, France, US, Belgium). It was fun to help out the Americans with getting settled here. (Identifying laundry detergent from fabric softener was the big win for both of them.) For us it was interesting in how different their experience is from ours. For one, they may be living here, but it is more akin to staying in a hotel than actually moving. They know when they are going back. There is no commitment and therefore no need to really immerse or develop connections. It is more Ex-Pat light.
We have much more in common with the serial Ex-Pats. We are here, with our stuff, and we need to make an effort for some level of assimilation. Where our US colleagues can maintain a certain distance from it, we cannot. We need to be more culturally sensitive, more accommodating and make more of an effort to figure out how everything works. It isn’t always easy. Can sometimes be incredibly frustrating. But it is also a wonderful learning experience.
So I don’t know if the Ex-Pat assumption will hold true and our three years in Belgium will turn into five. We still get to see the Sun Devil with reasonable frequency. Some of the other members of the family not so much, but they seem to like Skype. The lifestyle here is pretty comfortable and SWMBO’s Flemish is coming along well. My French is still crap, but good enough to get what we order most of the time. I think we will stick around for a bit longer. Besides, SWMBO’s list of places to visit continues to grow.
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